Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the things you did. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. . . . Explore. Dream." -- Mark Twain
Going to college is more than just "going back to school." The departure is a significant milestone in the life of a family and ushers in a period of transition, requiring an adjustment on the part of the college student, the primary caregiver(s), other family members, and friends. For the traditional and non-traditional student alike, the transition to college is often a time when students develop a new balance between separateness and connectedness with family members and friends (Perlman, 2000).
The impact of college on the student
Adjusting to college life.
Once in college, students are faced with adjusting to an array of new experiences. Many get involved in healthy activities and take good care of themselves. But adjusting to college is not always a piece of cake-it can be both exciting and difficult. Some teens look forward to college from the moment they begin high school, but in reality, while 49% of college students asked said they couldn't wait to go, 34% had mixed feelings.
College provides a time of socially recognized independence from caregiver (parents, relatives or guardians) rules and restrictions. Although the legal age of adulthood varies for such things as voting and drinking, going to college is an obvious sanctioned move towards greater autonomy. However, autonomy is not conferred automatically at a certain age or in a specific place. It is achieved by practicing how to think for oneself, ask for support, and take responsibility for one's actions.
The first year college student will be confronted with abundant pressures related to social situations -- sex, drugs, alcohol. With respect to academics, students today are feeling increasing pressure to know what they want to do, pick a career path, and plan for their future. This pressure is causing unfortunate substance abuse, anxiety and even depression.
Challenges for the college student
Fitting in
It can be daunting to leave the security of family and friends. When going to college, students often must leave, or give up, one group (of family and friends), then accommodate and learn about a new group.
It can be stressful to analyze new social norms, learn a new set of behaviors, and consider adopting a particular identity and group affiliation. The opportunities can be exhilarating, but the choices should not be made hastily. Students need to feel that they belong, and sometimes it takes some time before the social connections click and feel right.
Balancing socializing and working
College offers an assortment of opportunities for advancement and distraction -- there are so many potential friends, parties, courses, things to do, places to go. Not knowing what direction is best and not wanting to miss out on anything, students might try to be included in everything.
Knowing when help is needed
Students often doubt their ability to handle their course work and may be bothered by new and unexpected feelings, precipitating a downward spiral. There is also an increased risk of certain disorders in the late adolescent and young adult years (e.g. depression, bipolar disorder, and anorexia nervosa). Students may find themselves seeking out a mental health professional for the first time. The right help at the right time can prevent problems from snowballing. Students who do reach out for support often feel much better for having done so.
What the college student can do to ease the transition
Remember that you've lived through previous transitions in life and found your way again.
Sometimes the newness of a situation can feel overwhelming and your emotional response may feel very intense and perhaps even scary. Hence, it can be comforting to remember that in the past you have lived through similar experiences (e.g., like starting at a new high school, traveling to a new, unfamiliar region, etc.), and that in spite of your initial reaction you were able to adjust eventually.
Also, it may be better to share your reactions with someone in spite of your possible worry that no one would understand. Chances are, as you keep a fear locked up inside yourself, it will tend to grow in intensity and become more pervasive, rather than going away. You can often gain relief - and possibly a new, reassuring perspective - when you give yourself permission to express your concerns/reactions to someone.
Remind yourself that your thoughts and feelings are important whether or not they are shared by others. Allow yourself to 'listen' to your feelings/thoughts/reactions rather than pushing them down or medicating yourself with alcohol, drugs, food, etc. You might gain insights that could lead to different ways of dealing with your experience. Attending college is not only a chance to gain an academic education: the experience also provides the opportunity to get to know yourself better.
Take care of yourself Remember it is generally helpful to:
1. 'Acknowledge' your thoughts, feelings, reactions (at least internally) without making a judgment (e.g., I am really feeling sad; I am angry, scared; I am feeling inadequate, etc.).
2. 'Ask' what might be going on for me? ' 'What does this situation remind me of?' Invite your thoughts to go wherever they want to in order to get as much awareness/insight as possible. Sometimes a person experiences strong emotions that seem like an overreaction; it might be possible that the present circumstances provoke an emotional memory of a previously stressful/painful situation. Recognizing this connection might allow you to have a better understanding of your present situation. If you worry about something excessively (obsess) and/or engage in compulsive obsessing, etc., what might be the real worry, fear...that gets masked by your conscious, obsessional thoughts?
3. Reassure yourself that no matter what you think or feel, it is all right even if it is negative; there is a difference between thinking and feeling something and acting it out which may not be healthy, constructive or acceptable. Thoughts/feelings do NOT equal actions. Ask yourself, given your feelings/thoughts, what would be helpful right now? What might you be able to do to comfort yourself and/or to deal with the situation constructively.
4. Remember previous adjustments. For example, when you first started high school, went to camp, started a new job...imagine what you felt like. Note your feelings, thoughts from that experience. How did you deal with it? What was comforting to you?
5. How do you generally deal with stress? What else could you do to soothe/take care of yourself? Try making a list of activities.
6. Do you ever use drugs, alcohol, or food to help yourself 'feel better?' If so, what could you do instead?
Follow the tips for mental health on a daily basis
1. Exercise regularly.
2. Pay attention to your nutrition. Make sure to eat regularly.
3. Interact/have contact with someone else.
4. Learn/try something new.
5. Do something nice for yourself, do something nice for someone else, write in a journal.
Other pointers for students to help with the transition to college
Explore new interests, discover new places, and meet new people. These experiences contribute to college life and help keep you inspired about your academic education. Before committing to any one group or trend, students should take their time getting to know other students, investigating different activities, and deciding what makes them feel most comfortable. Affiliations change a great deal over the course of the first year as students become more knowledgeable and confident.
Participate and prioritize.
No one can do everything. When students narrow their focus they often feel less overwhelmed. Finding a passion is one of the most exciting aspects of the college experience.
Personalize the experience.
It's easy for students to feel lost in the crowd. Students who take responsibility for their education by seeking out particular adults often have the best experience. Getting to know professors will personalize college and help the student feel connected to an institution that may seem impersonal.
Be patient.
It takes time to understand the rhythm of a new academic life and for students to develop a personal learning/studying style. Over the first semester it becomes easier to understand the flow of work and realize how to accommodate different teachers' standards and course requirements.
Evaluate the fit.
Assessing how expectations meet reality during the first year is a necessary process. Some disappointment or surprises are not unusual and may require some fine tuning; adjusting one's course load, changing majors, rethinking involvement in activities. Sometimes a school turns out to be different from what was anticipated or students learn more about what truly will suit their needs. Students should get guidance and explore options and certainly consider changing schools if that's what seems best. Never ignore a problem. Both academic and emotional challenges are most successfully managed early when small.
***** Should you need any assistance regarding this concern, the Center for Student Development is always available to help you.
Values Education 1/Center for Student Development
